Category: searing political satire

  • On being a slightly fat man

    Being a poem that is in no way autobiographical. When the necessity to bathe rears its smelly head. When the pants demand their weekly shed. When all hope is dread, The slightly fat man must wash and watch his disappointments unfold. The water whets his willy’s desires, And he is compelled to exercise his limbs […]

  • My eye

    I’m going to talk about my eye. For just over three years the pictures it has been showing me have degraded into a dull ache now. A soft, mild brown blur. Even things like a crying child seem to bore me. I’ve been to the doctor. He says that it is a common problem and […]

  • The remarkable achievements attained in the field of neuroscience

    The current state of the art is described and critiqued. Avenues for further work are set forth and discussed. A prediction is made. Using only one single five million dollar functional magnetic resonance imaging machine, Professor Veronica Smith produces a picture of my brain. Over coffee she talks me through the picture and explains her […]

  • I’ve done a poo and it’s really important

    I’ve done a poo and it’s really important. I did a poo and it was really important,

  • Terminator X: Abomination

    One of the major advantages of running your own zine is that you get to work with some great geeks. One day while I was hangin’ out in Forbidden Planet I was recognised (eugghh) by a fellow weblogger. He knew all too well the ongoing battle between me and SexyPete99. Don’t worry, he’s on our […]

  • The disgusting nature and exploits of the rose

    In which I set forth the vulgar behaviour of the garden rose and ask that we reconsider our love affair with it lest we be dragged into the filth along with. One doesn’t need to invent devils to witness the true horror of the world. One need only look in the garden to see the […]

  • The twentieth century: a pantomime

    I have just been commissioned by Surrey County Council to write the 2011 Guildford pantomime. I have decided to write a light hearted look at the twentieth century. There will be one minute for every year. The characters: The dame – capitalism The villain – totalitarianism The hero – democracy The love interest – socialism Plot summary: […]

  • Possible solutions to the global energy problem

    It is a little known fact that over 99.999% of the world’s energy is currently consumed by other people. It is also true that over half of all other people are in an other country. That’s why I’m arguing that we need to expend a lot more effort reducing other countries’ energy demands and less […]

  • SIMPLY OUTRAGEOUS

    Oh my gosh, this is simply outrageous! This image is best enjoyed to the sound of ***. Please enjoy this image ***,

  • It said yes!

    Your presence will never be associated with honour. Our gift list is available at Game. We also accept cash or cheque. Cheers,

  • An erotic poem about a Muslim woman

    In her, Shapelessness reached an apogee (A sphere). Black sheets, Slipping off of her revealed form (Sexy!) Ultimately, The Wizard of Oz Woz, Disappointing. I thought killing Ka’b ibn al-Ashraf was a lot worse than the fig tree. But actually he was also trying to kill him so maybe fair enough. #notExpertInIslamicCulture

  • Made irrelevant

    Dear Mr Shirley, I regret to inform you (yes, I am aware of the absurdity of pre-emptively regretting something I am about to do) that we are unable to offer you a position at this time/ever. Unfortunately, we give preference to applicants who do not do ‘their impressions’ at interview. Furthermore, your recreation of the […]

  • Our Lady

    The first family circular. As a lot of you know, 1 has been a tumultuous year for the Christ family. In January, Joseph’s cries of foul play were eventually silenced by An Explanation based around frottage, and things seemed to be on the up. The lack of affordable housing continues to add to our woes […]

  • Woman makes strange sound in conversation

    A 34 year old woman today made an unusual sound in a conversation with friends. The confused onlookers refrained from querying the woman’s meaning for fear of “embarrassment”. “It was a sort of short high pitched steam train’s toot” – Darren, 35. A number of leading sceptics have suggested it might have been a sign […]

  • Is it possible…

    … to be into politics and talk about it without being a total dick? No. Probably not. But that’s not what I’m talking about today. Today, as you probably know, there is a waning gibbous moon. But that’s not what I’m talking about today (when it’s in a waning gibbous phase, the moon rises some […]

  • Sabotage

  • Internet satirists create hoax news story

    Students yesterday produced a fake news item about the recent burqa banning debacle. The twenty year old at the centre of the shocking parody seemed to be showing a gross lack of respect for all parties concerned. News of the blog post went straight to the PM and reverberations have since been felt in the […]

  • Bhagavad Gita

    He might just be a clever guy who has worked hard and done well. But he might just be the evil master of things. You decide,

  • Church synod allows Jewish bishops

    The Church of England’s ruling synod has decided that all bishops must be at least 20% Jew, but there are further steps to take before they can be ordained. Despite criticisms that this was ‘almost as stupid as Christianity itself’ mad churchey types everywhere agreed that the current system was anti-Semitic. Rowan Williams remarked ‘if […]

  • The Labour leadership

    Hello Labourites, It has been well documented of late that Labour did not win the last election. The Labour Party (oxymoron), is now looking for a new leader. I shall be giving a low down on those seeking to lead. David Milliband This man is actually a slug moulded into the shape of a man […]