{"id":1112,"date":"2012-02-03T16:09:21","date_gmt":"2012-02-03T16:09:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/?p=1112"},"modified":"2012-06-17T18:20:10","modified_gmt":"2012-06-17T18:20:10","slug":"stefan-at-a-dinner-party","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/2012\/02\/03\/stefan-at-a-dinner-party\/","title":{"rendered":"Stefan at a dinner party"},"content":{"rendered":"

A short internal monologue from Stefan, who is at a dinner party.<\/em><\/p>\n

Stefan <\/strong>Right. Here it comes… Here it comes… Ok, get ready people \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

One person stops speaking, beat, another person cuts in just before Stefan<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Stefan <\/strong>Oh you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got to be kidding me. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still time to make it… Is there still time to make it? Oh who am I kidding? The joke is lost. Lost somewhere in the mud of this conversation. I finally scrambled together an ok joke after 20 minutes without saying anything other than \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI find most contemporary cinema banal\u00e2\u20ac\u2122. Why did I say that? Why did that utterance happen? What purpose did it serve? It is the most stunning example, that I have seen at a contemporary dinner party, of the banal itself. What could I even have meant by that? I lump together the whole of \u00e2\u20ac\u02dccontemporary cinema\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 now. What is \u00e2\u20ac\u02dccontemporary cinema\u00e2\u20ac\u2122? Why even use the word cinema. Only use the word cinema to refer to anything other than a specific cinema if you are going to say something that is not utterly moronic. That is my lesson for you Stefan from this dinner party. The word cinema in a sentence when not referring to a specific cinema is to say \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI consider myself knowledgeable about the history of cinema\u00e2\u20ac\u2122. Cinema! What I really mean is DVDs. scornfully<\/em> Cinema!<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d decided that this dinner party was going to be a washout before I arrived. Essentially the same approach I take to watching films. What exactly did I want from this dinner party? How have I become someone at a dinner party? I have absolutely no control over the person I present myself to be, which more and more, is the only sensible definition of what I actually am. I am this dullard know it all who knows nothing to the extent that he uses words to imply he knows something about things which he knows nothing. I know nothing and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know that I know nothing. Great! In addition to being a bore, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m also a fool.<\/p>\n

I really don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know why I should have to say anything. I mean, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got nothing against any of the other guests. I have absolutely no feelings whatsoever towards the other guests so why would I have anything to say to them. I happen to be in the same room that is all.<\/p>\n

Oh no. Oh good god. Oh Jesus Christ. I need to fart. Oh great. Yeah thanks body, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s because of you that I have to say anything and now you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re making sure that my two contributions to this social event will be that awful sentence and, now, an embarrassing sound. That is how these people will remember me and they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be right. What does a fart say about someone? It says they lack the necessary moral fibre to castrate their arse into silence. They lack the intellectual capacity to understand the effect that the sound will have on their status among their company. They are a worthless little man with no hope and no prospects and they must expect the ridicule that they will justly receive.<\/p>\n

Beat.<\/em><\/p>\n

There is a fart noise.<\/em><\/p>\n

The End<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A short internal monologue from Stefan, who is at a dinner party. Stefan Right. Here it comes… Here it comes… Ok, get ready people \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 One person stops speaking, beat, another person cuts in just before Stefan. Stefan Oh you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[124],"class_list":["post-1112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-other-stuffs-sic","tag-monologue"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1112","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1112"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1112\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1112"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1112"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}