{"id":1144,"date":"2012-02-25T18:04:57","date_gmt":"2012-02-25T18:04:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/?p=1144"},"modified":"2012-06-26T13:08:08","modified_gmt":"2012-06-26T13:08:08","slug":"on-being-a-slightly-fat-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/2012\/02\/25\/on-being-a-slightly-fat-man\/","title":{"rendered":"On being a slightly fat man"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Being a poem that is in no way autobiographical.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>When the necessity to bathe rears its smelly head.<br \/>\nWhen the pants demand their weekly shed.<br \/>\nWhen all hope is dread,<br \/>\nThe slightly fat man must wash and watch his disappointments unfold.<\/p>\n<p>The water whets his willy&#8217;s desires,<br \/>\nAnd he is compelled to exercise his limbs asymmetrically.<br \/>\nHis ugly scene as regularly seen as obscene,<br \/>\nAs all his dreams gurgle down the shower&#8217;s throat.<\/p>\n<p>The towel cuddles his brimming skin,<br \/>\nBut can&#8217;t keep up his manifold chin.<br \/>\nRedemption lies beyond the checkout from Gateshead Travelodge.<\/p>\n<p><em>Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Cheers,<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"border: none;\" src=\"http:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/images\/signature.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"195\" height=\"123\" border=\"0px\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being a poem that is in no way autobiographical. When the necessity to bathe rears its smelly head. When the pants demand their weekly shed. When all hope is dread, The slightly fat man must wash and watch his disappointments &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/2012\/02\/25\/on-being-a-slightly-fat-man\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[131,92],"class_list":["post-1144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-searing-political-satire","tag-health","tag-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1144"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1144\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}