{"id":382,"date":"2010-10-14T15:48:03","date_gmt":"2010-10-14T15:48:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/?p=382"},"modified":"2010-10-14T18:19:36","modified_gmt":"2010-10-14T18:19:36","slug":"killer-gran-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/2010\/10\/14\/killer-gran-hell\/","title":{"rendered":"Killer gran hell"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>A rollicking rampage of octogenarian revenge, torn flesh, and laser canons.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/lh6.ggpht.com\/_dNb5bZIPRA4\/TLbfMYCOnJI\/AAAAAAAAAPw\/aMuNxFwJnTo\/s800\/grandma.jpg\"  width=\"100%\" \/><\/p>\n<p>My grandmother was chopping carrots when it happened. By &#8216;it&#8217; I of course mean the laser razor ray slicing though the ceiling and into her brain. Oh yes, after that things between me and gran started to get a little, how shall we say&#8230; absolute terror shock of murder violence, not to put too fine a point on it. She instantly threw the knife she was holding. It went through the right arm of my Gap t shirt and pinned me to her terrible antique screen. I could see carrot juice still wet on the blade and regretted wearing such a bad t shirt for this unexpectedly exciting scene.<\/p>\n<p>Her campaign of violent retribution has begun. One by one she is out to get each of her grandchildren. Only I can stop her.<\/p>\n<p>Best regards,<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" style=\"border:none;\" border=\"0px\" src=\"http:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/images\/signature.png\" width=\"195\" height=\"123\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A rollicking rampage of octogenarian revenge, torn flesh, and laser canons. My grandmother was chopping carrots when it happened. By &#8216;it&#8217; I of course mean the laser razor ray slicing though the ceiling and into her brain. Oh yes, after &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/2010\/10\/14\/killer-gran-hell\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[223,70,71,68],"class_list":["post-382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cartoons","tag-cartoons","tag-family","tag-grandparents","tag-science-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=382"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/382\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raphshirley.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}