Yearly Archives: 2014

The 6 physics undergraduates that you will find inconsistent with trite generalisations

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We are all familiar with the popular opinion regarding traits in common to college physics majors! Let us take you through the six types that might not be in line with those ideas!

1. The Australian Feminist whose Mum is Dead.
You don’t know what I’m talking about! She spends the evenings doing unremarkable college activities but retains a minor sadness caused by the premature death of her mother in 2001.

2. The Socially Competent Bland Male.
You don’t know what we’re talking about! He will have a successful career in business and marries his studious approach to work with actually completely median social skills!

3. The Spanish Tall Underweight Football Loving Brunette Incompetent Bitter Rounded Good Egg.

4. The One Who You Fell In Love With.
Everybody? She is beautiful and walked into your world one spring evening on June 24 2012 in Hemel Hempstead, UK.

5. The Misogynist and/or Racist and/or Homophobic Representation.
This one gives you pleasure by containing implicit tendentious statements in the subtext. Eh unlad!

6. The Set of All Objects Outside Those Traditionally Associated with the Group in the Title.

This article was written by a Physics Major. Typical? Topical! Topology.

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Script meeting

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– Hi, William! Sit down.

– Hi, how are you?

– Good. Good. Right. The script. The script! Wow. I love it.

– Oh great, I’m so glad to hear that.

– I love it. Not everyone does but that’s fine when your writing is this fresh. It’s gonna take a while. How do you feel about making a couple of changes? Just… to bring people on board. Like, for instance our questionnaires show people just don’t know what to make of this Hamlet guy. I mean, what a loser. I mean like why does he do all this stuff?

– I hear what you’re saying and I respect it but I do feel I would struggle to rework him without totally changing the character of the piece. I mean I’d have to change the title for a start.

– Ha yes. pause. About the title. My marketing report shows audiences find it a bit hammy to be frank. How about we go with something more kooky. The Great Danish Traj Fest of… no. I Am Dane? Timothy Hamlet’s Danish Nightmare?

– I hear what you’re saying.

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A chance meeting in the House of Commons canteen

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Gordon Brown is fumbling with the coffee machine. He stops and stares at the accent in Nescafé for quite literally one minute.

– Sorry can I get to the machine says David Cameron.

– Oh, yeah. Oh, how’s it going?

– Oh hi, yeah great thanks. How are you?

There is a pause.

– Really great says Gordon Brown. Busy. What are you up to at the moment?

– I’m Prime Minister, David says quickly and matter of factly.

– Oh of course. How is that? We must meet up some time, I’ll give you my notes cos it really is silly to go through all the you know stuff a second time.

– Yeah, says David Cameron. Gordon Brown seems unconvinced.

David suddenly notices William Hague and George Osborne sitting at a table across the canteen. They are clearly laughing and miming miniature violins. David can feel giggles swelling from deep inside him like a force of pleasure they rise to his face and push against his cheeks turning them a deep purple. Gordon Brown is furiously pressing a picture of a coffee on the machine. David Cameron reaches over and presses the button marked Cappuccino. The machine makes a sound like steam coming out of ears and Gordon Brown says:

– I wanted a hot chocolate.

Your humble servant,

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