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The Labour leadership

Hello Labourites,

It has been well documented of late that Labour did not win the last election. The Labour Party (oxymoron), is now looking for a new leader. I shall be giving a low down on those seeking to lead.

David Milliband
This man is actually a slug moulded into the shape of a man and controlled by a small bee in the toe shaped region of the slug. That is not true but it may as well be because as we all know, slugs might make good grub in survival situations but they are no politicians. Milliband gave me a kiss once but I didn’t want to take it any further because he made me puke over himself. Vote Milliband!

Ed Milliband
This brother is one thousandth of The Beatles. That was a lame pun but this guy is lamer still. He believes in capital punishment. You have to spend an hour talking on msn LIKE THIS!

Ed Balls
Despite the popular misconception, Ed Balls actually doesn’t have a silly name. He does have a silly head and body though and should not be trusted around children or adults.

Diane Abbott
This one is fucking mental. Seriously. On the plus side she is both black, and female, and an MP, and someone who’s name is Diane. A rare combination indeed. Will her novelty features allow her to avoid embarrassing questions about her loony sensibilities?

UPDATE – Andy Burnham – UPDATE
Oops, Andy didn’t make the original list. This is categorically not due to the sloppy management of a sloopy blog. It was definitely an intentional and subtle allusion to his lack of presence in the campaign. I am convinced he is a robot and that he will kill us all if elected or if not. UPDATE 2: just realised I did one of those shit jokes where you go I’m not doing something I’m evidently doing. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again.

Who should I vote for? I’m thinking Abbott. That seems like the most sarcastic vote.


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