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Author Archives: Raph Shirley

Cake

The Life Cycle of the Hypercunt Johnsinimus

In which I describe the reproductive process of the sub-species Hypercunt Johnsinimus. I claim that the importance of a truth can be gauged by the degree to which, on first intellectual contact, it inspires repulsion. As the seed is planted in your heart it stings and burns and only with time and much dialectical angst […]

Three new videos

1: 2: 3:

One hundred proofs that Bielefeld does not exist

being one hundred proofs that Bielefeld does not exist. 1 Bielefeld is the most populous city in the Regierungsbezirk Detmold, with a population of 341,730. If this was true then no one could either leave or arrive since the population would no longer be 341,730. It follows that there is no Bielefeld. 2 The historical […]

Living in the land of opposites

In which women have too many positive role models; and are only permitted to exist in positions of authority be being judges, teachers, doctors, and CEOs.  The object and its opposite living in a whole. Or three objects describing the famous Borromean knot. The exclusions sustaining the explicit contradictions. And all this embodied in the […]

The event

The circumstances of the event are very much specific to the event. That is why when speaking of it we must be exceptionally careful to be specific about what we mean by the causes and learn from them. LUV xoxo

internet or not internet

inertia

0 Living in a caravan. Masturbate in the morning. There is a cow at the window watching me. This put me off. It had a big brown eye watching me wank. Now the day is off kilter so I run out the door bare shouting at the said cow. 1 I denounce feminism and all […]

Summary of the year two thousand and sixteen

We the hyperboreans! We the followers of David Icke. I can begin with the summary that 2016 was all about architecture. When Russian agents created the European parliament they employed a man who had dedicated his life to helping insomniacs. He did this by designing an unnational parliament that was so boring to watch that […]

Buzzard

London Tourism Guide for Foreign Tourists to London on “Vacation”

Welcome,

The General Theory of Moral Relativity

Peace and Love

Peter Fowler hasn’t won the lottery

Rural Racism

Aliens

And a little song companion piece:

Donald Trump Medley

Peace to yanks everywhere,

Melancholy Woman

Please enjoy it. Make the most of it. Fourth album on way,

Human Garbage

Not the best mix but whatever yeah. P+L

Ada Lovelace

Come on now gentlemen get in formation, you could be the next Ada Lovelace in the making. Love,

Inheritance Tax Threshold Harvesting

Detective Manners, short and fat, sat at a cup of coffee. Progressing slowly through the Metropolitan police he carried the air of disappointment that a lot of forty year old men who use internet dating algorithms do. He had been given a case by a particularly irritating boss that was going nowhere. A series of […]

A Portrait of a Provincial Nobody

    Words and pictures from Raph Shirley, in humorous weblog form.

    Infecting the internet like so many glimmering tentacles
    ( ).

    He is a fictional character.

    Buy the book!