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Category Archives: searing political satire

Avengers: Age of Ultron

If the Western is essentially about Manifest Destiny then Avengers: Age of Ultron is about the Cold War. It is a post hoc justification for NASA, the H-bomb and Coca-Cola. All aimed at the audience from Robert Downey Jnr’s intensely irritating face. He’s like a little five year old brat who has morphed into the […]

Education: indoctrination or emancipation?

Every sentence in this article should be appended with ‘, man’. “Most schooling is training in stupidity and conformity” Have you heard about the horse who could count? His friend would say to him ‘three plus five’ and then tap on the horse until the horse neighed. The horse learnt to neigh at the right […]

Having Sex

The difference between you and me, dear reader, is that we are not currently having sex. While that cannot be claimed a perfect definition (of sex), nor even a logical or grammatical sentence, it may suffice a little while. In due course as the full power of my argument is built upon the page, like […]

An Argument in Favour of Hypocrisy

The well known filthy tramp Jesus Christ famously said that ‘Hypocrites suck’ (Mathew 23:3 Raph Shirley’s 2015 translation). Therein lies the first argument in favour of hypocrisy. The Right is obsessed with hypocrisy for the obvious reason that one cannot argue against one’s current behaviour without committing hypocrisy. Slavery cannot end without someone being a […]

An Argument Against Logic by Sarah Vine

If and only if logical arguments are un-logical then and only then I shall here present a short discussion rejecting out right the application of logic in matters of the un-heart. First, consider the kitchen. When one makes toast does not one first think I shall not make toast but instead shall enjoy some good […]

Je suis Charlie

Je suis Charlie #JeSuisCharlie

The Raph Shirley CENSORED! Project (RSCP)

I have always been a great campaigner for CENSORED!. That is why I have decided to start producing it. CENSORED! Yours faithfully,

The 6 physics undergraduates that you will find inconsistent with trite generalisations

We are all familiar with the popular opinion regarding traits in common to college physics majors! Let us take you through the six types that might not be in line with those ideas! 1. The Australian Feminist whose Mum is Dead. You don’t know what I’m talking about! She spends the evenings doing unremarkable college […]

Script meeting

– Hi, William! Sit down. – Hi, how are you? – Good. Good. Right. The script. The script! Wow. I love it. – Oh great, I’m so glad to hear that. – I love it. Not everyone does but that’s fine when your writing is this fresh. It’s gonna take a while. How do you […]

A chance meeting in the House of Commons canteen

Gordon Brown is fumbling with the coffee machine. He stops and stares at the accent in Nescafé for quite literally one minute. – Sorry can I get to the machine says David Cameron. – Oh, yeah. Oh, how’s it going? – Oh hi, yeah great thanks. How are you? There is a pause. – Really […]

Raph Shirley

… is on the internet. Raph Shirley: Actor. Author. Librarian. Pedagogue. Publisher. BLOGGER extraordinaire!   Raph Shirley has been winning awards since birth and wowing the world with his award winning awards. Before GCSE‘s he shared a toothbrush brand with Tom Cruise. Raph Fought in the second world war… and won. Twice. Whether you are looking for a […]

Happy Valentine’s Day!

– What do you do? Imagine opening with that. We have just sat down. I’ve conceded on location and gone into this stinking Carluccio’s. My preferred McDonald’s is staring jealously from across the street, and she pulls that one out. It speaks of a corruption in your soul to choose Carluccio’s over McDonald’s. On judgement […]

The continuing adventures of Jackie Smith

Just because you’re no longer MP for Redditch doesn’t mean you still don’t care about issues. On the contrary, you live an exciting life of stuff that happens to you and others. See you round, XOXO

US enters new era of post election US

Something very remarkable happened to me last Saturday. I was going about my business like any Saturday. Except it wasn’t Saturday and it wasn’t happening to me but the USA. It was 2008 and they’d just elected their first Hawaiian president. You may have heard of him. A man called… Barack was it? No. Because […]

Life on earth

And in the ancient earth, where empty ground held vacant sky, magic and sorcery gave this nothing a new vanity. Proto-life was born in an inclement world and the day’s order was suffering. The injured rock took more punishment in quantity unbound when animals looked around. And final indignity came in man making a mirror […]

A parody of 50 Shades of Grey by replacing Grey with Brown

Before we begin, may I politely remind you that my Edinburgh Fringe show, Computer Programmer Extraordinaire, opens tomorrow of all days! 16:45, at Globe Bar, Niddry St, 4-25 August (not 14), Free. Warning: this post contains scenes of a deeply pretentious and pompous nature. 50 Shades of Grey has successfully duped the last major group […]

Ahmad Lotfi Ashtiani launches internet cartoon competition

Emergency extra blog post. I just read this in the Guardian. Iranian MP, Ahmad Lotfi Ashtiani, took offence to a cartoon by Mahmoud Shokraye. The cartoonist was then sentenced to 25 lashes for the crime. Ashtiani has therefore, in playing with the serpents tail, effectively challenged the global internet to produce as foul a portrait […]

Accidental booze cruise

Friday, 1700h, I’ve just finished programming a total hog of a Dell XPS 15. The rain knocks on my window and I’m compelled to literally run outside to demonstrate my quasi-youth (thirty one) by taking part in a typical Friday night out, that will no doubt involve significant use of the the sound ‘woooo’. I’m […]

A proposal concerning a change of use for Buckingham Palace

Due to a freedom of information request I have come into possession of this letter from government records. It seems to be a memo from George Osborne to David Cameron. I decided to risk libel action for publishing it, for ethical/heroic reasons. To The Rt Hon David Cameron MP Prime Minister, As you know, the […]

The George Golding Professor of Contemporary Thought

Professor Harding pondered the daily problem of finding the end of the toilet roll. Every revolution of the soft pink coloured cylinder revealed nothing to the touch of his arthritic fingers. Quick to anger, he threw it at the wall; it bounced around the room and finally slam dunked its way between his wrinkled thighs […]

A Portrait of a Provincial Nobody

    Words and pictures from Raph Shirley, in humorous weblog form.

    Infecting the internet like so many glimmering tentacles
    ( ).

    He is a fictional character.

    Buy the book!