Category: other stuffs [sic]
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Presentation to GreenLight
Here’s a little light relief before we get into the blog proper: One of the great things about being a programmer for one of the largest solar panel manufacturers in the south east is you get to do a lot of travelling. This week, I was going to Newcastle to give a talk on account […]
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Web log entry 100
Welcome to web log post number one hundred! Can you believe it?! 1) First off, a little scene from my week 2) The main body of text The bulk of this one is a script about Socrates and Rachel of Friends fame. It is partly a sideswipe at the Socratic method and partly a send […]
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A PROOF THAT THE EXTERMINATION OF OUR SUN
May, in Absence of Further Evidence, be a Necessary Evil Since it Self-Evidenty Embodies a Most Egregious and Offensive Arrogance. Written in the Year 2011 DON’T THINK I DON’T CONSIDER THE DANGER in speaking against the commonly held adoration for it. Trust that I have considered all consequences and yet continue to hold my beliefs. […]
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An apology
I’ve written so much brilliant blogs these days exposing the wrongs of the great (err hello, not so great) and good (err hello, bad). But, I’m like, sometimes I need to step back back and say hold on there, you’re a cool guy with an excellent blog and everything but what about your (my) failings […]
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Hi fi sci fi. Why? Because it rhymes and rhyme is equal to reason.
Hello, welcome to my zine. I believe that sci-fi, or more properly science-fi, can teach us about the human experience of the human condition, and aliens and cool spaceships too. That is why I have created this cool weblog (to share my stories). I wrote this story in 2005 during my emotional period (because all […]
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It said yes!
Your presence will never be associated with honour. Our gift list is available at Game. We also accept cash or cheque. Cheers,
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A tribute to Bobby Crispy
Bobby Crispy has a good forename, a great surname, and a better website. Yeah, it is that good. http://bobsguitarlessons.yolasite.com/ contains videos of his free guitar lessons, as well as other cool stuff like sci-fi stories. This guy really knows how to do an excellent website. I can learn a lot from him. You might like […]
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CYBORG R.A.T. 9 Gaming Mouse
Hardcore gamers like myself have long debated that great quandary; is there such a thing as the perfect gaming mouse? Well, I’m sorry to say to the doubters (not mentioning any names SexyPete99) this IS it: Figure 1. The CYBORG R.A.T. 9 Gaming Mouse, £84.99. Taken from benchmarkreviews.com. Whether committing acts of violent murder in […]
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Stupid nonce
Swizzled in the swiller, Brushelled with a buzzer, Splish splashelled and bathed, That’s the bloody shower over with! And in a waze he filled his trouser, With fleshy leggo pegs. It took forth owls and still not done, To be ready for the meeting. Ten peeples peeped at powerpeep, And of the frothy thquarters, Superintendent […]
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The early Shirley (logical foundations of the weblog)
Life is tough when you’re a white, male, heterosexual, old Etonian like me. My constant struggle against prejudice has, however, yielded philosophical insight. What follows is a translation (from Eton slang) of my [cod] philosophical investigations. Please do not be so intimidated as to think you might not understand this profound exposition of the truth. […]
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James Bond (asexual gay Lord and master of sexy epigrams)
This post is dedicated to Sirs Isaac Newton and Bobby Charlton (They don’t make them like they used to). Figure 1. Sir Bobby Charlton, “A Football Man”. Bond had just graduated from Oxford with a massive degree, inferior in magnitude only to his perception of it. The careers office recommended the civil service but little […]
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My brother – review
Despite some flashes of interest, Raph Shirley is underwhelmed. My brother entered the scene in late 1989 and has been wowing family-occasion-goers ever since. Unfortunately, his performance has become rather stolid of late. Now he’s a sort of lumpen drudging knock off of better brothers such as David Attenborough and Ethan Cohen. In a characteristic […]
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Understatement
King James Bible: A coat of many colours. Andrew Lloyd Webber: The amazing technicolor dream coat. Best regards,
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Raph Shirley (prophet)
I was walking down the street the other day, and I bumped into this woman (I don’t know if you’ve ever met a woman, they’re basically mad hideous monsters, like men) and she’d got into her head the misguided idea to manufacture a person. Now, if it was me I would probably do this using […]
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A fair system for toilet use
My mother, Sharon Shirley, recently made the unreasonable demand that I put the seat down after using the toilet. Here is my response. Allow me to neglect poo-poo for the purposes of a thought experiment. Imagine there are two social groups A and B who require the toilet to be in states A and B […]
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An experimental investigation into the sleeping habits of my mother
Introduction Middle aged humans are a common phenomenon that can be observed at a wide range of locales. From the wine aisle in Waitrose to that at Sainsbury they can be identified chiefly by the appearance of moderate wrinkles on their faces and bodies and by their possessing an often timid demeanour. This study is […]
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Eating alone
I love eating alone, but I hate being caught. The reversal of esteem when going from gorging on burgers at a bus stop to being joined by a waiting passenger is second in magnitude only to that associated with orgasm. Culinary onanism is a great joy, as intense as the sexual kind, but attached with […]
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Stephen Hawking: prick or dick?
In which I offer a considered reaction to The Grand Design, the latest publication of Prof Stephen Hawking. “We each exist for but a short time…” That ‘but’ along with the other words in the book’s first sentence ensure that by the end of it you already have more than a little stomach acid at […]
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The banana
The banana in its sluttish yellow overcoat eyed me from across the hall. The way it draped its slender ripe figure provocatively across that pawn of an apple. The way it affectedly brushed past the orange. Oh that banana had it coming, and don’t let no one tell you different. I pretended I hadn’t noticed. […]
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Creation
One It was morning time and I needed a shower bad. I realised that I couldn’t remember why I was dirty. Then God rudely came in my bedroom without asking and presented the most splendid tart. There were a load of weird animals like half-zebra/half-worms around. One of them came over to be stroked. Then […]