Blog Films Home

Tag Archives: family

It said yes!

Your presence will never be associated with honour. Our gift list is available at Game. We also accept cash or cheque. Cheers,

My brother – review

Despite some flashes of interest, Raph Shirley is underwhelmed. My brother entered the scene in late 1989 and has been wowing family-occasion-goers ever since. Unfortunately, his performance has become rather stolid of late. Now he’s a sort of lumpen drudging knock off of better brothers such as David Attenborough and Ethan Cohen. In a characteristic […]

Raph Shirley (prophet)

I was walking down the street the other day, and I bumped into this woman (I don’t know if you’ve ever met a woman, they’re basically mad hideous monsters, like men) and she’d got into her head the misguided idea to manufacture a person. Now, if it was me I would probably do this using […]

A fair system for toilet use

My mother, Sharon Shirley, recently made the unreasonable demand that I put the seat down after using the toilet. Here is my response. Allow me to neglect poo-poo for the purposes of a thought experiment. Imagine there are two social groups A and B who require the toilet to be in states A and B […]

An experimental investigation into the sleeping habits of my mother

Introduction Middle aged humans are a common phenomenon that can be observed at a wide range of locales. From the wine aisle in Waitrose to that at Sainsbury they can be identified chiefly by the appearance of moderate wrinkles on their faces and bodies and by their possessing an often timid demeanour. This study is […]

Killer gran hell

A rollicking rampage of octogenarian revenge, torn flesh, and laser canons. My grandmother was chopping carrots when it happened. By ‘it’ I of course mean the laser razor ray slicing though the ceiling and into her brain. Oh yes, after that things between me and gran started to get a little, how shall we say… […]

A Portrait of a Provincial Nobody

    Words and pictures from Raph Shirley, in humorous weblog form.

    Infecting the internet like so many glimmering tentacles
    ( ).

    He is a fictional character.

    Buy the book!