Blog Films Home

Tag Archives: misogyny

A proposal concerning a change of use for Buckingham Palace

Due to a freedom of information request I have come into possession of this letter from government records. It seems to be a memo from George Osborne to David Cameron. I decided to risk libel action for publishing it, for ethical/heroic reasons. To The Rt Hon David Cameron MP Prime Minister, As you know, the […]

Miss Thomas

The clearest way to describe Claire Thomas is to say she is fat. It isn’t genetic or due to some other ‘modern BS’. It is because she frequently scoffs. She scoffs indiscriminately. Domino’s Two For Tuesdays by the two, eggs by the eight, and milkshake. She loves food like an English teacher (which she is) […]

Prey

‘Why is everybody so serious!’

James Bond (asexual gay Lord and master of sexy epigrams)

This post is dedicated to Sirs Isaac Newton and Bobby Charlton (They don’t make them like they used to). Figure 1. Sir Bobby Charlton, “A Football Man”. Bond had just graduated from Oxford with a massive degree, inferior in magnitude only to his perception of it. The careers office recommended the civil service but little […]

The whore of Babylon

This isn’t a joke. I’m not sure why it’s here really. I also don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Pretentious? Why blog if not to be self indulgent? Thank you very much,

Raph Shirley (prophet)

I was walking down the street the other day, and I bumped into this woman (I don’t know if you’ve ever met a woman, they’re basically mad hideous monsters, like men) and she’d got into her head the misguided idea to manufacture a person. Now, if it was me I would probably do this using […]

A fair system for toilet use

My mother, Sharon Shirley, recently made the unreasonable demand that I put the seat down after using the toilet. Here is my response. Allow me to neglect poo-poo for the purposes of a thought experiment. Imagine there are two social groups A and B who require the toilet to be in states A and B […]

The sinister spectre

Sorry this was a bit slow off the press. I keep meaning to get round to doing one about the wedding of Egbert and Redburga. Good bye,

Creation

One It was morning time and I needed a shower bad. I realised that I couldn’t remember why I was dirty. Then God rudely came in my bedroom without asking and presented the most splendid tart. There were a load of weird animals like half-zebra/half-worms around. One of them came over to be stroked. Then […]

Church synod allows Jewish bishops

The Church of England’s ruling synod has decided that all bishops must be at least 20% Jew, but there are further steps to take before they can be ordained. Despite criticisms that this was ‘almost as stupid as Christianity itself’ mad churchey types everywhere agreed that the current system was anti-Semitic. Rowan Williams remarked ‘if […]

Cosmopolitan

10 signs he’s interested: 1) You are currently having sex. etc… Your body confidence – stripped bare Want to know what men really think? We’ve been getting real guys to confess all. It’s time to get inside the mind of… Hegel. Have a good week,

The Labour leadership

Hello Labourites, It has been well documented of late that Labour did not win the last election. The Labour Party (oxymoron), is now looking for a new leader. I shall be giving a low down on those seeking to lead. David Milliband This man is actually a slug moulded into the shape of a man […]

What’s the hottest part of the sun?

The core. Rupert Murdoch may be a nice guy under it all. Lets be honest, I have no feminist credentials,

A Portrait of a Provincial Nobody

    Words and pictures from Raph Shirley, in humorous weblog form.

    Infecting the internet like so many glimmering tentacles
    ( ).

    He is a fictional character.

    Buy the book!