The Gospel According to Gesamtkomödiewerke

1 The Rape of Mary

Black clouds poured over the cliff
Like Treacle over hardcore and
Hell was written across her belly
By two Roman soldiers
In lines that brought down my father
That put radical humiliation on television
And left a little cut
That will tear

Confusion reigns
Despotically
With a crown of roses
Without knives
Or knaves
At all

2 The Schizophrenia Prodrome of Mary

Total ambiguity will not be reconciled
By ambiguilty verdicts
In any path that we tread
I have forgotten what I have lost
A wave far from the shore
Is building in my womb
These babies grow like nipples
In a chill breeze
The ground shakes with pairs
The number 2 is burned in the sun
That I stare at
These two suns
One for each eye
Burn a line across me
And open Hell like a zip
Death shall be born from me
And suffering will walk across the desert

3 The Schizophrenic Episode of Mary

Draw this babe from my flesh
I have seen his double
Walk upon the sea in horrible dreams
I have seen him conjuring demons
In the flickers of nights
Screaming myself awake into Joseph's bewilderment
I thank the world for this crime
That has brought a change in me
Those who attack me are but nothing
And shall rot in the soil
As my daughter shall inherit all the dust of the Earth
I am a glass
That magnifies
And clarifies
I am the world made flesh
Take me Gabriel
In the sight of Joseph
Where are you going?
To my bed to be raped again
My rage shall fill the oceans
A great wave of hate
Will grow through me
Scatter the nations
In my vengeance
This girl in my innards
Will melt temples into air
The stone will boil as magma
Vomited from the throat of Satan
Heads shall hit the earth while they still scream
New worlds will be torn down by her sword
Our souls shall magnify
And if there be two inside me
Their clash
Will shatter kingdoms
I am walking in the graveyards of the future
And see myself written across bodies

Mary fell on her knees and the visions began
Awful metal angels dropping fire from the sky
As human dots ran into holes
A new order of cruelty shall wash across all the lands
As each is meat to each

4 The Nativity

The pains of birth 
Eased the heart's stormy warnings
Peasants happy
In literal shit
Then baby then piss
Relief
In the heart of the storm
The boy will spark
At the fuse of everything
What is this fresh joy on the bed
Of losers and layabouts
The spring of red blood has emerged
From a virgin ground
That will run into a river
And dye the oceans

5 The Wild Orgiastic Youth of Christ

Festivities beyond reason
Well past jokes
Misrule rules
In parties and orgies
Unbounded by any law
Cocks and cunts and cuckolds and
Falling again to newer lower higher older
Loves and hates
And running
From last night
To the last night
That there is no sun
In these eyes
To be bloodshot
And drunk again
In two shots
To two eyes

6 The Schizophrenia Prodrome of Christ

Basic mistakes
Grow in this strange alien
That suspects
Suspicion itself
This new angel
Of geometry
And flight
That rises with perfect symmetry
And casts a shadow of lines
In numbers in books
That line its infinite library
On shelves that tower
Over wheels that turn
In on themselves

7 The Schizophrenic Episode of Christ

My madness mirrors my mother's
Her Hell has handled him
Bring the cut again
The scissor
Across the sky
Open the blue against the starry black nothing
The angels arrive as a pair
And the mirror
Is the first glass to be seen
In both my eyes
Staring at each other
As holes in holes

8 Hell on Earth

Pour it
Down the gullet
Let it
Pull you down
All the poor
Have arrived
To watch
Us fail them
No drink
Pouring
Just silence
Future
History
Can be seen
As the past
Everything to be is in one eye and everything that has been is in the other

9 Grace

Clarity has graced the Earth
But once
That was
Had to be
Long ago
For us
To see it as it was

10 Fully Realised Anxiety

The sweat tinged red with blood drips 
On this face of fear
The garden shakes
With the day that is coming

Two soldiers return
Again for a second
That will live in the minds of men
For all eternity
And will worry the heads of women
For another
That will meet the unmeetable
In love and hate
Cold shivering hairs
Await the morning
And begs for day break to wait
Like a child trying to blow the wind away
And a kiss becomes an icon

11 The Crucifixion

The whole world be split
Absolutely dethroned
The word itself crumbled
On the damned
Seven words that join and cut
And cut and join
The mother and son and son and mother
A thirst that wants some water unknown
A forgiveness that forgives some crime yet to be
He is in no place to forgive
And so he was his mother's forgiveness
The two soldiers cut him again
And yet he restrained the burning hate from his lips
Abandoned at the gate of flame
The original slasher movie
Has already happened
At birth
It is a memory
Of your cosmology
Paradise is told in pain
In the wound of the world
That seeps blood
On broken promises
On orgasms edged and finished
No one
No knowledge
No action
Only vengeance versus avengers annihilating each other and
No body

12 Absolute Infinity

Absolute zero
One and the other
In fields of grazing grief
Slit by rivers of tears
And psychedelic skies
Lit up by digital fears
And disappearing whats
And whos and wheres
Slipping out of a now empty world
A final why screamed at the sky and all I got in return is this lousy
Silence.

An erotic poem about a Muslim woman

In her,
Shapelessness reached an apogee
(A sphere).

Black sheets,
Slipping off of her revealed form
(Sexy!)

Ultimately,
The Wizard of Oz Woz,
Disappointing.

I thought killing Ka’b ibn al-Ashraf was a lot worse than the fig tree. But actually he was also trying to kill him so maybe fair enough. #notExpertInIslamicCulture

Our Lady

The first family circular.

As a lot of you know, 1 has been a tumultuous year for the Christ family. In January, Joseph’s cries of foul play were eventually silenced by An Explanation based around frottage, and things seemed to be on the up. The lack of affordable housing continues to add to our woes but The Precocious Little Brat seems happy enough – He got his grade 8 piano in Feb! It can’t be all that bad!! March was as dull as a dodo; a simile operating on the fact that the dodo is a common bird of little interest, as is the case at this time.


Figure 1. The Little Bugger as Lamb. Raph Shirley, ink on paper, A4, 2010.

In April I felt the “wise” men had outstayed their welcome rather. Awkward! In May Gabriel was in town for a work do and tensions with Joseph flared up again but I managed to keep things calm mainly by pointing behind Joseph and saying “What’s that?” whenever Gabriel was around. By the way, Luke doesn’t know what he is talking about. If “nothing is impossible with God” then it must be possible for him to write an impossible riddle. Paradox! Q.E.D. – Luke is full of it. June was an absolute nightmare if I’m honest. We were audited because Joseph wrote “Yes please!” on the census (that was old hat in -6!), and of course a lot of the receipts were revealed as fakes. How many times did I tell him to keep the amounts realistic? (5). Forty pieces of silver for one bit of unleavened bread! July to November is probably too much to avoid this getting a little tired. check out Mathew’s blog for some great stories from those days. I feel he overuses the word begat but what do I know.

And then of course December. Has it really been a year?! I write this while watching His birthday party. Joseph got him socks and was smited. Joseph is going off on one about being Put Upon and the whole thing is a nasty scene. Unfortunately, the party is mainly a washout due to the massacre of the innocents. Anyway, I hope you are well and I wish you all the best for 2.

Yours smug,

Mary Christ.

Creation

One
It was morning time and I needed a shower bad. I realised that I couldn’t remember why I was dirty. Then God rudely came in my bedroom without asking and presented the most splendid tart. There were a load of weird animals like half-zebra/half-worms around. One of them came over to be stroked. Then it opened its mouth and out popped a Twix. I ate it because the sinning witch told me to with sexy looks. She looked like she was straight out of Zoo magazine except with bigger tits and vagina. It was a bit disappointing to be honest on account of the ephemeral nature of sensory pleasure.

Two
The mid morning brunch-lunch period was bloody pandemonium. At the end the woman handed me a note which said ‘I am a metaphor for sin’ which I thought was a bit sexist really and probably a simplistic interpretation. Anyway, it was all a bit of fun until about 5.30 when God came back to lecture us a bit.

Three
Come evening time I had a really bad stomach ache and very much regretted the Twix which seemed to be transforming into a bureaucratic machine made of my intestines. On top of that there were now a load of even weirder animals around playing elaborate jazz solos on things like a five piped saxophone and a one key’d piano. One of them started saying a load of totally crazy shit at me. It was really freaking me out but not as much as when I looked down and there were giant ants whose legs were dirty hospital needles and bees with senescent human faces and slugs vomiting maggots. Man this is shit, and worse than that, it went on, quite literally, for ever. I blame that stupid woman because the Twix and all the rest of it wasn’t worth this.

Yours, as ever, magniloquently,

Church synod allows Jewish bishops

The Church of England’s ruling synod has decided that all bishops must be at least 20% Jew, but there are further steps to take before they can be ordained.

Despite criticisms that this was ‘almost as stupid as Christianity itself’ mad churchey types everywhere agreed that the current system was anti-Semitic.

Rowan Williams remarked ‘if it’s good enough for Jesus it’s good enough for bishop[s]’, to which newly bishopped Aaron Adelstein replied ‘Jesus? That tawdry street performer?’.

Since the Catholic church allowed a non-celibate Muslim, ‘Randy’ Rawahah, to be The Pope last yeah the Church of England has been under increasing pressure from pressure group’s such as Steven Spielberg’s ‘The Church of Hitler more like’. This follows Spielberg’s recent revelation that the Ralph Fiennes character in Schindler’s List was actually a subtle allegory of The Church of England.

But while this flippant parody fizzles out it is important to stress that there are arguments on both sides… of the argument:

If The Church of England can’t be racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Semite, idiotic,… etc, who can be?

I’m satired of this shit,

Jesus et. al.

A rather risqué look at the current intellectual malaise. I’m basically having a go at offending as many people as I possibly can with this one. That’s right I am showing a wholesale lack of respect for Jesus Christ, Mohammed (first name?), and Richard Dawkins.

Alternatively it might just be rather crass and banal. You decide.

Have a good weekend,

Update:

Just thought that Dawkins comes off best because he isn’t homophobic. But rest assured I do find him an old bore. I mean literally stop going on about it. Change the record!