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Reflections on the Hubble Deep Field image

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein. Turns out Einstein was better at Physics than jokes. “In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein […]

My eye

I’m going to talk about my eye. For just over three years the pictures it has been showing me have degraded into a dull ache now. A soft, mild brown blur. Even things like a crying child seem to bore me. I’ve been to the doctor. He says that it is a common problem and […]

The remarkable achievements attained in the field of neuroscience

The current state of the art is described and critiqued. Avenues for further work are set forth and discussed. A prediction is made. Using only one single five million dollar functional magnetic resonance imaging machine, Professor Veronica Smith produces a picture of my brain. Over coffee she talks me through the picture and explains her […]

Galileo you absolute wuss!

Galileo The earth moves. Vatican Say that again and we’ll kill you. Galileo Did I say it does move? I meant it doesn’t. Where do I sign? Socrates took the hemlock, Jesus bore the cross, and Galileo did a runner. I would have stood up for my beliefs like I do with this web log […]

The disgusting nature and exploits of the rose

In which I set forth the vulgar behaviour of the garden rose and ask that we reconsider our love affair with it lest we be dragged into the filth along with. One doesn’t need to invent devils to witness the true horror of the world. One need only look in the garden to see the […]

An experimental investigation into the sleeping habits of my mother

Introduction Middle aged humans are a common phenomenon that can be observed at a wide range of locales. From the wine aisle in Waitrose to that at Sainsbury they can be identified chiefly by the appearance of moderate wrinkles on their faces and bodies and by their possessing an often timid demeanour. This study is […]

Stephen Hawking: prick or dick?

In which I offer a considered reaction to The Grand Design, the latest publication of Prof Stephen Hawking. “We each exist for but a short time…” That ‘but’ along with the other words in the book’s first sentence ensure that by the end of it you already have more than a little stomach acid at […]

Our closest relative

In primitive cultures they believe the sun is a giant ball of ‘gas’ in ‘space’. We know that it is in fact a yellow circle ‘in’ the sky. The savages say that the earth goes around the sun when in actual fact the sun goes across the sky. Literally look out of your window you […]

Is science good or shit?

I can’t decide. Everyone knows the old hack debates about roses looking better to a poet than a scientist or some shit. I’d always written them off but am starting to agree. Who cares what the world is actually like? What has that got to do with me? Genuinely. Stumbled across Blake’s Newton on google […]

Gravity

I’m hoping this will be the first in a series of educational/inspirational videos. Thanks for watching,

A Portrait of a Provincial Nobody

    Words and pictures from Raph Shirley, in humorous weblog form.

    Infecting the internet like so many glimmering tentacles
    ( ).

    He is a fictional character.

    Buy the book!