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Yearly Archives: 2011

Merry Christmas…

… you filthy animal. 1) The past as at 1AD Largely a plagiary of Grey’s. 2) The present as at 1AD Largely a plagiary of de Zurbaran. 3) The future as at 1AD Largely a plagiary of Velazquez. No, but seriously, I wish you all well. Love to all my fellow world citizens, xxx

Presentation to GreenLight

Here’s a little light relief before we get into the blog proper: One of the great things about being a programmer for one of the largest solar panel manufacturers in the south east is you get to do a lot of travelling. This week, I was going to Newcastle to give a talk on account […]

Galileo you absolute wuss!

Galileo The earth moves. Vatican Say that again and we’ll kill you. Galileo Did I say it does move? I meant it doesn’t. Where do I sign? Socrates took the hemlock, Jesus bore the cross, and Galileo did a runner. I would have stood up for my beliefs like I do with this web log […]

I’ve done a poo and it’s really important

I’ve done a poo and it’s really important. I did a poo and it was really important,

Book on sale now!

“Thanks to the vulgar extravagances of our times it is now possible for anybody to publish a zero quality book without the hassle of having to make any effort into making it good.” – Raph Shirley, in previous blog post. All for the great price of just 14.99! Remember – buy 25 and get a […]

Web log entry 100

Welcome to web log post number one hundred! Can you believe it?! 1) First off, a little scene from my week 2) The main body of text The bulk of this one is a script about Socrates and Rachel of Friends fame. It is partly a sideswipe at the Socratic method and partly a send […]

A PROOF THAT THE EXTERMINATION OF OUR SUN

May, in Absence of Further Evidence, be a Necessary Evil Since it Self-Evidenty Embodies a Most Egregious and Offensive Arrogance. Written in the Year 2011 DON’T THINK I DON’T CONSIDER THE DANGER in speaking against the commonly held adoration for it. Trust that I have considered all consequences and yet continue to hold my beliefs. […]

The blogger

in the mind of the blogger with blogger for comparison. Your modest and impressively self-aware friend,

Terminator X: Abomination

One of the major advantages of running your own zine is that you get to work with some great geeks. One day while I was hangin’ out in Forbidden Planet I was recognised (eugghh) by a fellow weblogger. He knew all too well the ongoing battle between me and SexyPete99. Don’t worry, he’s on our […]

The disgusting nature and exploits of the rose

In which I set forth the vulgar behaviour of the garden rose and ask that we reconsider our love affair with it lest we be dragged into the filth along with. One doesn’t need to invent devils to witness the true horror of the world. One need only look in the garden to see the […]

The twentieth century: a pantomime

I have just been commissioned by Surrey County Council to write the 2011 Guildford pantomime. I have decided to write a light hearted look at the twentieth century. There will be one minute for every year. The characters: The dame – capitalism The villain – totalitarianism The hero – democracy The love interest – socialism Plot summary: […]

Man Dog V

Thanks ever so much and sorry very much too,

Possible solutions to the global energy problem

It is a little known fact that over 99.999% of the world’s energy is currently consumed by other people. It is also true that over half of all other people are in an other country. That’s why I’m arguing that we need to expend a lot more effort reducing other countries’ energy demands and less […]

Why I Blog

Exclusive reader offer! Download your free pirate copy of Jessie J’s Absurdist Price Tag pop song here now! Right click. Save as. It’s what she would have wanted. Was that joke worth 99p considering that it is eight months and two days past its sell by date? And now to a discussion of the important […]

An apology

I’ve written so much brilliant blogs these days exposing the wrongs of the great (err hello, not so great) and good (err hello, bad). But, I’m like, sometimes I need to step back back and say hold on there, you’re a cool guy with an excellent blog and everything but what about your (my) failings […]

Hi fi sci fi. Why? Because it rhymes and rhyme is equal to reason.

Hello, welcome to my zine. I believe that sci-fi, or more properly science-fi, can teach us about the human experience of the human condition, and aliens and cool spaceships too. That is why I have created this cool weblog (to share my stories). I wrote this story in 2005 during my emotional period (because all […]

SIMPLY OUTRAGEOUS

Oh my gosh, this is simply outrageous! This image is best enjoyed to the sound of fart noises. Please enjoy this image you stupid asshole,

Edinburgh DVD on sale now

My 2011 Edinburgh show, Philosophical Investigations, is now available on DVD for the incredible price of 10 pounds. I have made DVD cases out of left over flyers and then burnt a PDF of the script on to an Intenso 4.70 Gb DVD-R disc using the Sonic RecordNow! software on my Toshiba Satellite Pro. I […]

Edinburgh 2011 summary

The 2011 smash flop, Philosophical Investigations, has today come to an end. Figure 1. Conventional cameras can not capture the sublime performance of Raph Shirley. The show of which The Telegraph said nothing at all, the show nominated for under 1 awards, the five star masterpiece (five one star reviews from audience comment website edfringe.com) […]

It said yes!

Your presence will never be associated with honour. Our gift list is available at Game. We also accept cash or cheque. Cheers,

A Portrait of a Provincial Nobody

    Words and pictures from Raph Shirley, in humorous weblog form.

    Infecting the internet like so many glimmering tentacles
    ( ).

    He is a fictional character.

    Buy the book!